3000 Cows later....

That's how many cows it takes to supply the NFL with a season's worth of footballs, 3000. So now that the regular season is over what have we learned? Well, apparently there is a division worse than the AFC West. I would like to congratulate NFC West champs Seattle Seahawks on their well deserved spot in the playoffs. 7-9 baby! You're going to the Superbowl!

I also learned that if you coach your team to a 6-0 sweep of your division, and give your team its first non-losing season in seven years, you could possibly be out of work next year. Thank you Al Davis for your visionary leadership. Now if you can sell a damn Jacoby Ford jersey I'd be happy.

I've also learned that the Chargers only play when there is nothing at stake. Where was Matthews all season? Your special teams still reeks and almost cost you the game again with the onside kick. Its funny that the Chargers have steadily gone downhill every year since Norv took over yet he's still going to keep his job. Whatever, I guess I should resign myself to the fact that SD will not get a new stadium and the local team is going to move to LA in 2013. Thanks a lot guys.

Apparently, prison will make you a better QB. Man I hope Philly plays Atlanta, its going to be epic. By the way, whats with all the bird mascots in the playoffs? Ravens, Eagles, Falcons, Seahawks, its like an aviary this season.

You know what makes you a worse QB? Sexting.

Way to end your career old man.

And on that note I bid you and the NFL 2010 regular season adieu. Here's to an exciting post season and an even more exciting 2011, unless there's a lockout. In which case, bowling anyone?

Keep watching this space.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!

Truly my favorite time of the year. Can't wait to take Dean out so I can get me...I mean him...some free candy. Till then I'll get in the mood with some holiday themed YouTube clips. Enjoy!



For those of you looking for something a little more blood curdling I have to recommend Trick 'r Treat, the best Halloween movie made in years.



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One year later...

One year ago today, Dean Christopher was born, details of which can be found here. In one year he went from loud, messy, drooling pink monster to an even louder, messier, and droolier pink monster with an afro. Its been a long, trying, and tiring year, filled with baby spit up, poopy diapers, and a jealous dog. I wouldn't have it any other way. Happy birthday you little brat, now hurry up and make your papa some money.




Keep watching this space.

The Autumn Wind

Nobody narrated better then John Facenda, hearing him speak on old NFL films footage gives me chills. Now lets get ready for some FOOTBALL! Finally.




The music from those films was pretty good too.





Keep watching this space, if there is no football on TV.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

And what better gift for my birthday then to watch NFL football. Well, maybe a better gift would be to watch the Raiders game on TV, lousy CBS decided that the Broncos game was a better choice. Add that to the list of why the Broncos suck. So I hope all of you out there enjoy my birthday and remember that everything you do today is in tribute to me.



Keep watching this space.

We're sorry, but your baby is ugly

Dean doesn't like to lose. Luckily for him, he doesn't listen to Star 94.1, so he'll never know that he didn't make it to round two of the cutest baby contest, unless he decides to read my blog. Of course that's just crazy, because he can't read. Even if he could, he wouldn't be reading this drivel. No one does.

Oh well, at least I found a new band to cheer me up during this time of loss. It features the vocal talents of one Jesse Q. Harnell, you kids might know him better as Wakko Warner from the Animaniacs. He's now the lead singer of Rock Sugar and believe me, its pure sugar to the ears. Enjoy.



Keep watching this space.

Baby's Gotta Eat

And boy does he eat. As you may or may not know, my wife has entered DC into a cute baby contest at Star 94.1. The grand prize if $2000 in Visa gift cards. Daddy, I mean baby, really wants a new hi-def flat screen. Please help him by clicking here or on the pic above and voting for him. You can vote for him once a day, but many times a day if you use a different computer each time. Please vote, many times for him. Hi massive ego and fat head can't handle a loss this early in life.

Keep watching this space.

AMERICAAAA...F*CK YEAH!!!

Happy 4th of July everybody.





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Some finale thoughts

Unless you were living in some alternate dimension, awaiting to go to your final reward inside some Unitarian church in Hollywood, you might have noticed that Lost had their final episode on Sunday. After six years of riddles wrapped in enigmas and smoke monsters, that for some reason sounded a NYC taxi cab receipt printer, the story wrapped itself in a nice little bow; they all died. All questions finally answered and now we can go on with our lives, except what about Walt, Dharma, Hanso, the various temples and statues on the island, not to mention the weird ass stone cork keeping the island afloat, I mean WTF?

Don't get me wrong, I loved the scenes with everyone in limbo or whatever finding each other and accepting that their lives, maybe even careers, are over. It was a nice send off for the characters, but what about the overall mythology of the series. I understand the concept of Hitchcock's Mcguffin, you know the item that only exists to propel the plot forward, but the island wasn't some throw away item that only existed in the background to drive the motivations of the characters. Over the course of six years it became an important character that deserved the same amount of closure that the main characters got. Don't leave key questions unanswered. Then again maybe the show was nothing but a prequel to Fantasy Island, with Hurley as Mr. Roarke and Ben as Tattoo. Who knows, maybe the Simpsons were right and it was just the dog's dream, he was in the final shot with Jack.

This brings me to another series finale that intentionally leads to a potential movie in the future, 24. Was it unbelievable at times and constantly use the same plot points over and over? Yes. But, it had the most awesome character created in the last ten years, Jack Bauer. Here was a show that no matter how unbelievable it got, managed to maintain its watch ability, because you truly care about Jack Bauer. You knew when you watched it, that eventually Jack would right every wrong and save the world yet again. Every season of 24 ended with the world being safe, except for this last season, in which the world is even more messed up then it was when the season started. It truly is a good segue into a movie and Mr. Bauer is a character that will hopefully be on our movie screens for years to come. Maybe they'll make a Bond vs. Bauer movie. That'd be sweet.

By the way, here is the best series finale ever, followed by some cats, enjoy:

Keep watching this space until the next hot new show debuts.

TO ALL YOU MOTHER F***ERS

Go out there today and do what you do best; make those moms extra happy. Hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day and to all you father f***ers; get the gloves and lube ready.




Keep watching this space.

For Bug

Have a happy birthday or I will shoot this bunny. Remember, you only turn 14 once but I can shoot Thumper over and over again. So enjoy your birthday, or have Thumper's stuffing on your hands. The choice is yours.

Keep watching this space or I might blow his face off.

Happy Census Day

There's some sense of irony that the day your US Census forms are due is also April Fools Day. Here I thought our federal government didn't have a sense of humor. I heard somewhere, that its going to cost the US $14 billion to complete the census. I just want to know why? Seriously can't they count us through our tax returns, social security numbers, driver's licenses, or countless other forms of ID that the government has on us. Why do we have to do their jobs for them? Lazy bums.

Well, I better go mail the form off now so they don't send me more junk mail reminding me to complete my form. I love how they tell us not to waste paper but spend billions of dollars wasting paper.



Keep watching this space.

Crackhead Leprechauns

Ah, ya gotta love the Irish, only they would give us a day devoted to drinking and name it after a saint. Here's a news story from the distant land of Mobile, Alabama, which I hear is the birthplace of the Irish or at least a popular hangout for all things Irish.

Hope they solve the mystery of the Crackhead Tree Leprechaun and find that gold.

Now go buy yourself a pint or two and remember to keep watching this space.

A cautionary tale

Courtesy of The Lonely Island:



Hey! They forgot a verse, oh well, hopefully they do Dreamgirl next.

Keep watching this space.

Team Coco

With Leno returning to the Tonight Show tonight (no I will not be watching), I thought it would be a good idea to see how Mr. O'Brien is doing. Its a good thing he decided to finally join Twitter and micro-blog his daily thoughts. Take that NBC. Here is what he has tweeted so far:

Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.

This morning I watched Remington Steele while eating Sugar Smacks out of a salad bowl. I was naked.

Today I connected all the freckles on my arm with a Sharpie. It spells out RIKSHAZ9LIRK. Clearly I am The Chosen One.

http://twitpic.com/15ox1s-Good news! I can now spend quality time with my vintage '92 Ford Taurus. Bad news-I left yogurt in the trunk.

This is only my 5th tweet and I'm already exhausted. My God, how does Ashton do it?

If anyone's curious what I look like with a beard, it's this ?:^(0) Coincidentally, thats also my ATM pin number.

Apparently unemployment is slowly driving him mad. Good thing he's loaded. Now if only he could do something about that monkey.

Keep watching this space and not Leno.

You're a winner!

Thank God the Olympics are finally over. Now we have only two years before the opening ceremonies begin for the 2012 Summer Olympics. I hope it goes longer then the one for this years winter games, man that was way too short. Maybe they should hire the Lonely Island to plan the opening and closing ceremonies, they have the 3022 games in the can already.




Keep watching this space.

Happy Birthday, Mister President Part 2010

In its 200 plus years of existence the United States has had 2 great presidents. Last year I did a post on one of them; which can be read here. This year I've decided to pay tribute to our first president, George Washington.

If Lincoln saved the Union, it was Washington who birthed our nation. If not for Washington's actions during the War of Independence and his stewardship of the fragile country after the war, it is probably a safe bet that the country would have fallen apart decades before Lincoln. That's not to say that Washington had that easy of time keeping the fragile country together. From holding off redcoats to putting down revolts over whiskey taxes, it seems that at times the Union was kept together by sheer force of his will.

Was he perfect man? No. Like most men of his day he did keep slaves, and even though he himself recognized the evils of slavery and freed his slaves upon his death (actually upon the death of his widow) the fact that he actively took part of Americas great shame does put a stain on his legacy. It wouldn't be until America's next great president before the page of slavery could be turned.

But rather then fixating on Washington's faults, we remember his many accomplishments. Like establishing the tradition of the only running for two terms. FDR was the first to break that long held tradition, leading to the 22nd Amendment. This country was ready to make him king and he does what no other world leader in his position ever done, turn it done and step out of power. That alone is enough to make him one of America's two greatest presidents. That and his fight with Hans Sprungfeld was pretty awesome too. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GEORGE!!! You have embiggened our nation with your cromulent life.

Keep watching this space.

But what about the News?

I can't stand the remake of "We are the World", but I guess it helps a good cause. Although, if everyone who was involved in the remake donated half their yearly income they probably would raise more money then they would by butchering the original.

So why do I dislike this new take on a classic icon in pop culture? Three words; no Huey Lewis. Thankfully, Jimmy Kimmel has decided to rectify this problem.



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Once upon a time in Mexico

Many years ago while listening to Dave, Shelly, and Chainsaw, God I wish they were still on the air, they had a guest named Steve Poltz. During the course of the interview he proceeded to tell the funniest damn story I have ever heard about a trip to Vegas, David Cassidy, and the great thing about music royalties. Well according to Jay of the Mikey Show, Steve will be on the show tomorrow. Now while I'm sad he won't be on the DSC, he always killed in those interviews, I'm stoked that he'll be on the air tomorrow to tell some more wonderful stories like the one you'll hear in the following clips. Trust me, you do not want to miss his interview, the guy tells one hell of a story. Plus he dated Jewel.







One more story from Steve, in honor of Lent and all my fellow Catholics out there who also love baseball and hate communists:



Keep watching this space.

Hey, Ash-hole

I guess the New Orleans Saints victory party is now officially over and we have entered that magical time of the year where some of us can't eat meat on Fridays for the next 40 days. Why? I have no clue. I'm sure it was explained to me during my conversion classes back in '07 but it has since been relegated to the part of my brain that now collects dust and protects the useless information of my life, like my high school locker combination or how to drive stick shift. Anyways, Happy Ash Wednesday all you jack-ashes (I love wordplay), and for the rest of you a picture of the only vegetarian in our household:



Keep watching this space.