Thanks a lot

Thanksgiving is finally upon us. This time tomorrow must of us will be in turkey induced comas with visions of Festivus dancing in our heads, but before we reach that point, I feel I should list many of the things I'm thankful for, in no particular order:

My wife...Yeah I know I'm sorted of obligated to be thankful.
My son...guI ess.
My dog...for being able to sleep through the night.
My parents...for making me possible.
My mother and father-in-law...for driving my wife insane with their antics.
My brother and sister-in-law...for keeping me entertained and helping with Dean Christopher's room.
My niece...for annoying my wife.
My friends who don't have kids...don't ever have any, I'm getting too old to keep a gaggle of children amused.
My friends with kids...for all their help with getting us prepared for having a kid of our own.
The kids of my friends...for living far away from me and giving me a breather.
My relatives who I don't talk to...for not making me feel guilty for not talking to them more often.
My work...for keeping me employed, especially during this bitch slap of a year.
Kaiser Permanente...for delivering Dean Christopher.
The guy who invented pumpkin pie...without you our world would be over run with giant orange gourds.
Turkeys...for being delicious.
Rita and the Comics-N-Stuff on Plaza Blvd...for supplying me with my weekly fix for all these years and the accompanying 30% discount.
Microsoft...for the Xbox, Halo games,and Gears of War games that have robbed me of many hours of sleep.
My two followers listed on my blog...I know there are more than 2 people out there who are reading this but you 2 are my favorites.
The other people who secretly and passively read this blog...for having nothing better to due at 3 am then to read the nonsensical ramblings of a closet narcissist.
Twitter...for helping me to spread my nonsensical, narcissistic ramblings through cyber-space.
Facebook...for giving my wife's friends a way to follow my nonsensical narcissistic ramblings.
The US military...for keeping us safe and helping to make this country a force for good in the world.
The founding fathers...for making a country that is the greatest instrument of good on the planet.
Republicans...for trying to show us the real world.
Democrats...for their naivete and ability to make me laugh.
The Internet...for giving me access to the funniest Thanksgiving themed TV episode ever;

And finally thanks to God...for making all of this possible.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! Keep watching this space.

I have no idea what this is

Totally stumbled onto these videos and have no way to describe it. All I know is that they cost over $5000 and are really cool. Future musical instrument or high tech novelty? I'll let you decide.







I figured out where I've seen this before.



Awesome! That means real lightsabers are just around the corner. Then scientists can discover midichlorians and I can force choke the assholes who cut me off on the freeway. Ain't the future grand?

Keep watching this space.

M,O,O,N, that spells gay

I remember when vampires and werewolves used to be bad assed, blood thirsty, vicious monsters. Now they're all emo, with sparkly glitter skin, that transform in to cute snarling puppies.

Thanks a lot Anne Rice, this is all your fault. Keep watching this space.

Auto Tunesday

In celebration of my 50th blog entry, I've decided to bring you the joys of Auto-Tune. What is Auto-Tune? Lets have Weird Al help explain it to us:



So apparently Auto-Tune is all the rage now and I'm doing my part to help beat it into the ground by spreading the message. Here is one of my favorites, enjoy:



Hope you enjoyed this, my 50th post, as much as I enjoyed the hours of prep it took to put this one together. Actually, I just threw this up here during the commercial breaks of V. God I'm lazy.

Keep watching this space.

You learn something new every day

From the no shit Sherlock files courtesy of Doyle Redland:




Keep watching this space.

The birth of a Bridge

I can still vaguely remember when I found out that one of my best friends was going to become a dad. My girlfriend at the time, I don't know whatever happened to her, was driving us to the bowling alley to meet up with our oddball gaggle of friends. We were going up H Street when he just suddenly blurts out that his girlfriend is pregnant. My girlfriend, I think her name was Lynn or Ange, started asking the typical girl questions like "How many months is she?", "What are you two going to do?", "Have you told your parents?" yadda yadda yadda. My reaction was more like, "HOLY SHIT!!! She let you touch her vajayjay with your peenie outside of the wrapper? Was she drunk? Wait a minute...you had sex?" or something like that. Actually, my reaction was probably more like that of my girlfriend's, but rest assured I was thinking other things, some of which haunt me to this day, but I digress. Suffice to say, he was scared out of his mind and I'm sure he soiled his pants and the back seat of my girl's car.

Flash forward to November 6, 1999 and I'm hanging out in the waiting area at Mary Birch Hospital with my still girlfriend and our friends. Scratch that, they weren't friends anymore, they were family. If you are still hanging out with the people you knew since middle school, heck some of them knew each other since elementary, and you're waiting for hours while one of you is expecting their first kid you stop being friends and automatically become family. Sure as time goes on you might not hang out with each other as much as you used to, life has a habit of getting in the way, but you're still there for each other when the big moments happen, good or bad, and that is something that has always defined my group of friends. No matter what, we would always be there for each other and that love would extend to each other's children as well.

So finally, after god knows how long our friend comes out, tears still fresh on his face, to let us know that his wife, yes they got married a month earlier and yes he cried at that too, puss; delivered a beautiful baby girl. Everyone cheered, hugged, patted him on the back, congratulated him, and happily went to visit the new little bundle of joy and the exhausted wife. And there they were the new little family, tired, a little scared and overwhelmed, but relieved that it was all over and knowing that everything was going to be all right because they had the most important thing in the world. The love and support of family.

So I would like to take this moment to wish Bridget a happy tenth birthday. I hope your parents get you some new glasses and just know that the real reason they call you "Bridge" is because you were conceived under a bridge, most likely the Coronado Bridge, while listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Yes, your parents were freaks back in the day, and they loved you very, very much for two years until your little sister Cadyn came along. Now they just tolerate you. I hope you had an adequate birthday.

Love always,

Druncle Bert

Keep watching this space.